Unspoken Language

Ellie is a new guest at our house. She will be staying for a couple of weeks. Although we've known her since she was a baby, she's never stayed with us before. This is the third morning that she has been adjusting to Pepper and Maggie. Pepper and Maggie have their rules. I'm not even sure what they are. But I can see by the way they respond to an unspoken language I don't understand that they are communicating with each other. Obviously Ellie doesn't understand it either. Yesterday morning Ellie was ready to play. She jumped, ran around, wagged her tail and chased Maggie. Maggie bared her teeth (a language every dog understands) and then Pepper came to her rescue (which was completely unnecessary.) Pepper and Maggie know who's boss. That would be Maggie.

But Ellie being a newbie didn't know her place in the group. Today she held back and watched. A couple of times she tried to join the play with Maggie and Pepper, but got the brush off. She had a confused look on her face as she walked away. Being the third dog, she created a triangle that changed the dynamic. Any two of the dogs could have played together, but the third created chaos in the relationship.

Today Ellie is being more cautious and letting Maggie and Pepper get used to her. They are all getting along. Ellie is watching the unspoken language and learning where she fits and when she can join in. Each dog comes from a different background, and each one represents a mixture of breeds. They are all rescue dogs so we don't know for sure what the mix is, but obvious characteristics exist. Ellie has a purple tongue so she is definitely part Chow. Pepper has the poodle fur, floppy ears, and cocks his head like a Cocker Spaniel. Maggie is said to be part Terrier and seems to have some of the Terrier personality. Maggie and Pepper are small dogs who have learned to play and cooperate with each other. Pepper and Maggie have had several homes, and were unwanted and neglected many times. Ellie was rescued as a puppy and has had a loving home all of her life. Pepper's breed, background, and size influence his temperament. He is overprotective and loyal, but he lacks good social skills. He gets nervous and still worries about being abandoned. He does not easily welcome newcomers.

Have you ever felt like you walked into a group of two or more with your friendly face ready to join the group and wondered why you didn't feel like you fit? Nothing was said. You missed the body language. You just knew something happened. Whether you are at work or in a social setting, people have an unspoken language that can be easily missed. You may be walking into a group who has a very different appearance or background from yourself. There may be members who have been wounded by life and others who want to protect them. Take a lesson from Ellie and bring your positive energy to the group. If you are not welcomed, don't be offended. Step back and wait until they feel more comfortable with you and you can find your place in the group. Building relationships and working in groups is a learned process that takes time. But learning to communicate and build supportive relationships is the most important thing we can learn. The world is changing. It can feel very uncertain. But just as Pepper and Maggie learned after having turmoil in their lives, friendships are the most important assets.

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