Are you ready to love?

Love has so many very different meanings in the English language that it is hard to imagine they all come from the same word. Love can mean anything from a score in tennis to deep love and passion for something or someone. For example it’s not hard to fall in love with a puppy, but to make a long-term commitment to care for that cute little puppy as it grows and matures takes a different kind of love. Human relationships are even more complex. Most of us need training in communication and relationship building skills to learn to love and care for other people. In a world that is rapidly changing and often seems to be running wild, one of the few things we have control over is the way we relate to and care for other people.

Relationship building skills are now one of the most important skills for building a successful career, healthier living, and true happiness. The first step in developing a healthy relationship with another person is to develop trust. The best way to develop trust is by showing understanding or putting your self in another person’s shoes. What does it really mean to walk in another person’s shoes? I have to ask my self “Do I really want to know what it feels like to be in that person’s shoes?” In fact, there are many days when I feel like my own shoes are heavy enough, so why would I want to add more weight?

Feeling heavy with my own life and busyness, I might feel like I don’t want to know how someone else feels. Do I need to care that much for everyone, or just the people who are my friends, family and neighbors? God tells us to love him with all our heart, soul, and strength (Deut. 6:5.) It takes a lifetime for many of us to care so deeply for another person who shares our interests and values, but what about people who may be unhappy, in pain, or who have caused us pain? If we really want to learn to love in a way that changes lives and makes the world safer, we are challenged to love with all of our strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 5:43.) in the Sermon on the Mountain, Jesus goes even further and challenges us to “love our enemies.”

We listen to an internal voice all day telling us what needs to be done, where we need to go, and whom we need to see. Sometimes our voices are so loud that we shut out the people we care about. If we follow Jesus’ example and love others as ourselves, then we will listen to others at least as much as we listen to ourselves. I’ve noticed many times in my own relationships that it is hard to just STOP what I’m doing, LOOK at the person, and LISTEN to what they are saying. In the Relationship Enhancement series, “Ready for Love,” authors Mary Ortwein, M.S. and Bernard G. Guerney, Jr. Ph.D. say that you need to go even further than just stop, look, and listen if you want to develop trusting communication. Excerpt from “10 Ways to Show Understanding.” (9)

1. “STOP what you’re doing to pay close attention when someone talks to you.”
2. “When you listen, LOOK at the other person in a caring way.
3. “When you LISTEN, imagine you are the other person.”

Some people seem to naturally listen intuitively in a way that shows they care, while others need to make a conscious effort to listen to others as much as themselves. I find it very hard to take the time to really stop and be in the moment with someone I care about. The eighth step in showing understanding may be the hardest for me.

8. “When someone is tired, rest together.”

How wonderful it would be to care enough to stop and rest with another person. Time is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person. Taking the time to develop healthy relationships actually takes the weight off rather than adding weight to your life. Loneliness, resentment and anger add weight to a person’s shoes. Sharing, caring, and giving support for others can be much like arch supports that give you a lift. Are you ready to love with all your heart, soul, and strength? I’m challenging myself to begin by listening.


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Copyright LWD © 2005 Nancy Miller